One morning this past June I was on the front porch gazing at the pre-dawn sky. Seven bright lights were visible across the southern horizon from east to west in almost perfect alignment. I used an app on my phone to identify all the planets we were taught in elementary school. The app identified the location of Pluto (yes, Pluto is a planet) but the remaining planets were visible to the naked eye. I remembered how Aristotle believed the planets AND the Sun orbited the Earth. For one moment in June, all the planets wandering the sky came together in perfect alignment.
The word ‘planet’ is derived from the Greek word meaning ‘wander’. Many ancient and medieval cultures pondered the stars and planets but none rivaled the Greek philosophers and Aristotle in particular. Aristotle was a philosopher, scientist and one of the greatest intellectual figures of Western history. Although his theory about the planets and their orbits was eventually dis-proven, his intellect covered the spectrum from biology and botany to friendship. His teachings about friendship rings more true today than ever.
Aristotle believed there were three types of friendship. The first was friendship of utility where mutual benefit and convenience defined the relationship. Think about work relationships. When the situation changes so does the friendship. No great loss and the friendship serves us well while it lasts.
The next friendship Aristotle identified is based on pleasure. In my life this has looked like a golf foursome, bowling league or weekly pickup basketball game. I can’t tell you where those guys are today but I remember them fondly. Friendships based on pleasure can be more superficial and short lived as your interests change. These tend to be friendships enjoyed by 20 and 30 somethings.
Lastly, Aristotle believed the highest form of friendship involved a common pursuit of excellence and virtue. In this friendship, the people and the qualities they bring to the table form the interest and basis of what can be a longer lasting relationship. These friendships are often forged by fire and shared growth. These are the friendships that survive the 20’s and 30’s and take form as people mature. These friendships involve bonds of trust, affection and admiration. These are the friendships I crave, search for and value the most.
Covid has reminded us that too many friendships are like the planets wandering around the Sun. Occasionally they line up and last, but they are rare. Although we can make the most of a friendship based in utility and pleasure, I believe we need to strive for more. I want more than utility and pleasure.
I want to be surrounded by friends who are striving to be their best…to be virtuous and aim for excellence…to be accountable and to be the best they can be. As these friends aim high, they make me a better person. The writer of Proverbs put it graphically, ‘As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.’ Proverbs 27:17…or not.
There are many ways to say it, but you are the company you keep….like attracts like. Therefore it always impressed me when Jesus called his followers ‘friends’ (‘I have called you my friends’ John 15:15) When the CREATOR calls me His friend, it allows me to look at another of my favorite Bible verses in a new light.
Hebrews 7:7 says…’And without a doubt the lesser is blessed by the greater.’ I want to be friends with people I can bless as well as those who have the capacity to bless me. I want symbiotic, complimentary yet challenging friendships. Friendships that strive to develop greater reservoirs of HEROIC virtue and excellence in each other. Virtues like courage, patience, humility, wisdom, forgiveness and unconditional love. Only then, can we sharpen each other and become the best God has created us to be.
The friendships pointing me to virtue and excellence have one thing in common. These people TRY and WANT their lives to orbit the Son of God. The reality may be like that rare morning in June when everything lined up together, but that is the goal. Friends that wake up each day living for something and some ONE greater than themselves can sharpen and bless me. I want to live beside people who are chasing the highest ideals.
Friends can be like planets that wander across the horizon of our lives…or they can be opportunities to stand close together and pursue the highest ideals. Weathering tough times, having different opinions and working through conflicts can make us better friends when our lives orbit the Son. I value all the types of friendships I have, but I covet the ones that make me more virtuous and a better person.
This weekend, I have the chance to see some guys that fit my ideal of friendship. They all possess attributes and virtues I value. They all accept me at my best AND at my worst, because they know my heart. These friends don’t care who I’ll vote for in November. They DO care if I’m loving my wife better today than last week. These guys don’t keep a record of every screwy comment or thought I’ve shared with them, but they do remember when I confess my failures and shortcomings.
Friendships can wander across the horizons in your life. When they are based in excellence and virtue, they will align to bless everyone involved. Aristotle got that one right.